Tuesday, August 25, 2009

101 ways you know your Somali

1.You go to drop off one person to the airport, but you take 50 extra people with you 2.Your entire family runs the marathon when they see a dog (calmly walking on the other side of the road)3.Your cousin is said to have "gone abroad to get married", but you know he’s been musaafird.4.You were taught never to talk to strangers at primary school, yet your parents force you to call a complete stranger "Auntie"5.you think you are so funny 6."The doctor" is your cure to every illness (evern though u curse them) 7.You somehow think you’re related to Puff daddy/naz/any black rapper 8.Your remote control is still in two pieces and u blame or cell taped together.9.You use your religion to get yourself out of almost anything e.g. P.E, class discussions, debates, sex education, etc.10.You secretly meet your boyfriend/girlfriend in the most obvious places (e.g. like at the mall) and expect NOT to get caught by your parents 11."GET INTO FIGHTS" and "KNOCK THE F**K OUT OFF PPL!" is your solution to every problem 12.You studied A’ Level Maths and your seen as one in a million in the Somali population 13.You make conversations in high pitched voices and the person is standing in front of you 14.You accuse the shopkeeper of being racist when he kindly asks you to pay for your packet of crisps 15.Your mobile phone "just happens to ring" when you see a member of the opposite sex 16.You think that u can drive and you don’t need a licence, insurance or tax plate 17.BOYS: You secretly do shopping or house work but act as if you dont 18."My mate wants to check ya!" is secretly your chat-up line 19.Your can tell a Somali home by it’s curtains 20.You think you’re part of the MAFIA, yet you hang on corner streets. 21.You seem to think that this list DOES NOT apply to you 22.You become obsessed with a member of the opposite sex, ring mobile all day…and get rejected (you then ask out their best mate) 23.You class them as geeks if they are still in education 24.It’s quiet common to still be in college or school at the age of 30. 25.At the adult age, you still think you can get away with paying child fare on the bus 26.You have a telephone at home but nobody is (ever) allowed to use it 27.You call each other xalimo and farahs(diss) 28.Your wear designer labels, but still aint got credit in your phone.29.You don’t think it’s worth going for driving lessons 30.In primary school you was always the rebel and the bully31.You’re related to your husband/wife even before you’ve married them 32.The bus never stops for you 33.You invite the world to your wedding night but no one starts at the time written on your invitation card 34.you talk a lot in your language 35.You dance at a complete stranger’s wedding (and claim you are a distant relative)36.You somehow think you invincible when you see an older Somali women with loads of shopping bags 37.You drive your car around the same spot for 10 years 38.You achieve A*’s in every subject and your parents tell you to STUDY HARDER 39.You should be a nurse or a doctor40.You always look for bargains 41.You are offended by this list coz it’s true 42.At home you never can use the bathroom coz theirs about ten ppl leaving with you who needs it too.43.South hall or Wembley is common t go if you want to find us 44.There is a tub of "PRIDE GHEE" and a sack of "TILDA BASTMATI" in your hallway (arabic air freshener) 45.You tell your mum it’s your birthday and she adds on a few years to what you have become 46.At least one family member sell khat (SOMALI WEED)47.You think you’re life is just going to rewiiyads(PARTY) getting as much numbers as you can, then getting married and becoming religious. 48.You all love the singer hassan aden samartan 49.You seem to think that the car your driving is a racing car and ordinary roads are racing tracks, thus explaining why you speed around thinking you’re Damon Hill 50.When watching Somali videos, you spend most of your time asking what they said or what something means 51.You are always in competition with other girls at wedding and rewiiyads 52.You hardly ever take prescribed medicines because your parents have them all 53.Unknown "relatives" start ringing your house asking for money 54.You are unable to open your front door because of the pile of shoes blocking the way 55.you get phone calls a 6 in the morning and your Parents wake you up ‘WHO IS IT!'56.Your parents have a PANIC ATTACK when something dirty comes on TV.57.you always take the piss out of each other 58.You have 3 hobbies: eat, sleep and complain 59.You have to offer guests tea even before they’ve stepped into your house 60.You address every other Somali person on the planet as "your cousin"61.You think you have the ability to take on the entire police force 62.You dress identical to your friends and your favourite colour is black 63.Girls: Your brother thinks he’s your dad 64.Your wedding takes place in either a community centre or a common hotel that everyone has used65.You know that all Somali music songs are about LOVE but you still listen to it.66.67.You go to a wedding with an empty car, but on the way back you end up giving the entire population of the wedding a lift home (and you haven’t seen half of these people in your life)68.At school, your parents were never aware of Parents’ Evening (…and if they did attend Parents’ Evening and you got a bad report, you told them that the teachers were all racist) 69.You arrive late at every party 70.At weddings the cameraman only ever cameras you when you’re eating 71.Your phone line has been cut off at home, your mum only wants incoming calls, yet you have a mobile phone 72.In primary school, your parents forced you to give her a kiss because the English mother was doing it to 73.In high school, your teacher kept asking you if you were "forced to do things"74.In college, you either witnessed or were involved in a fight 75.you went to enjoy yourself in a rewiiyad but end up in a fist fight with your own people 76.Your dad always kicks you out the house and keeps you knocking on the door for HOURS! 77.The only business we are most successful with is CALL SHOPS 78.Your parents tell you "Eastenders" is haram 79.At parties, you wear the same clothes as others and hate each other for it 80.You get over-excited when you see another Somali person on TV.81.You have a limited variety of food recipes 82.You accuse a Somali boy of fancying you because he asked you if you needed help 83.You lie to your parents about where you’ve been 84.You see another Somali friend and you shout and make a seen just to greet each other.85.The lads love their girls in diir’s (SEE THROUGH DRESSES THAT GURLS WEAR AT WEDDINGS)86.You come home to the sounds of screaming (you have guest)87.Your parents still listen to old Somali songs 88.You spend all day in Somali cafĂ©’s (maqaax) 89.You are constantly being compared to every other Somali kid on the Planet 90.You pronounce English words in a typical accent when speaking to your parents e.g. toilet: "Toylatka"91.You never go to the library "to work"92.Your phone number is x-directory 93.A member of the opposite sex simply says "hello" and you accuse them of stalking you 94.You receive phone numbers from complete strangers and you start chatting to them and then you find out they like you but just gave you a fake name 95.GIRLS: You own a gold set 96.Guys: you want to knock out the lad who clocks your sister yet your clocking next mans sister 97.You have cousins that you’ve never even heard of 98.Everyone goes to Somali at the same time 99.You wonder why people stare when you hire out a car, because they saw you yesterday with a banger 100.You call some one then put it down so they can call you back (you don’t want to waist the £10 credit you have)101 When celebrating a religious festival, you take this as an excuse to come back wot ever time you please